Cold
by BleachedAi
Summary: 'One would think after so long the pair could put their differences or rather feelings aside, but Shirosaki knew Ichigo was stubborn. Just like himself. It would take a miracle to fix the mess. ' Dark themes, yaoi. M.
1. Chapter 1

Cold: **chapter one. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor do I own the song lyrics included. **

Summary: 'One would think after so long the pair could put their differences or rather feelings aside, but Shirosaki knew Ichigo was stubborn. Just like himself. It would take a miracle to fix the mess. ' Dark themes, yaoi. M.

The lyrics here are all relating to Ichigo. Not Shirosaki. Although this is from his point of view in this chap, there Ichigo's feelings.

'_Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right…'_

**SHIRO'S POV. **

It had been a total of three whole years. A slow, lonely three years since Shirosaki had seen his best friend…no Ichigo wasn't a friend anymore. He hadn't been since that day. The day they had parted. The day tears and blood had been spilt.

One would think after so long the pair could put their differences or rather feelings aside, but Shirosaki knew Ichigo was stubborn. Just like himself. It would take a miracle to fix the mess.

Letting out a heavy sigh the white haired seventeen year old pushed himself up from his silken bed sheets. Day after day Shirosaki would awaken and lay in bed thinking of nothing but the orangette. He was sad to say he had forgotten the orangette's voice along with a few of his mannerisms, but he knew what with all the drugs he had taken, the memories would fade slowly but surely.

Someday's he wished he could forget Ichigo all together. But he knew deep down, that if that happened he'd really become hollow. An emotionless being, not worth breathing. He guessed he was _almost _there.

But now, the day he had been dreading had come around. Come around so quickly he felt himself overwhelmed by anxiety. Returning to school was part of the deal he had made with his guardian. Tensa had agreed to allow the albino to move back to Japan under several conditions, the general no partying was of course included, but a job along with education was a must. Two things Shirosaki detested.

The pale skinned boy growled in annoyance before forcing himself out of his oversized bed.

After freshening up with a shower and the morning necessities the boy staggered over to his wardrobe, a deadly frown covered his lips which would make anybody within sight run for their lives.

The albino pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans, along with a tight white t-shirt, before encasing the taut thin material in a black jacket. Eyeing himself in the mirror he let his playful smirk cover his lips. To say he wanted to smile like that would be a lie, but been a stubborn emotionless bastard you haven't got to let anybody in right? That's what Shirosaki went by. And he always would.

"School…" Shirosaki muttered to nobody in particular before throwing a black and white checkered bag onto his back.

It was going to be a long day…

o/(O.^)\o

Karakura High hadn't changed much. It still looked like a shit hole. But that's not what bothered Shirosaki right now, it was the fact that he knew he wasn't ready to do this. But he marched on, he was pushing himself, and he knew it wouldn't last long. It wouldn't be long till he broke. Ichigo was his only weakness. He was his personal cancer.

Every corridor he turned a memory would meet him, from tackling Ichigo into walls or ruffling the orangette's soft spikes of hair…it was all there. And it hurt. Several times he found his eyes stinging.

Three more corridors and Shirosaki found himself staring at his old classroom, and ironically his existing one. Bracing himself the albino plastered on the fake smirk and strode into the classroom. As soon as the rubber bottom of the albino's shoe met the polished classroom floor all eyes turned on him.

Shirosaki ignored them. He ignored every stare. Because that's all he could do, because he knew amongst those sea of colours, deep chocolate orbs were floating. Within seconds chattering erupted around the room.

"Che'" the albino smirked before slowly walking towards the teachers desk. He hadn't expected to see his old teacher so he wasn't surprised when an unfamiliar black haired woman spoke his name.

"Yea, that's meh." the smirk grew as he looked down at the small woman. The woman began filling in his name on the register and Shirosaki snuck at look at the very name he knew was there, maybe he was just looking for confirmation, he wasn't surprised when he saw Ichigo's name, and a tick next to it.

"Take a seat, Shirosaki. Your books are ready and on your desk." the scowling woman pointed over to a small wood chipped desk. A glimpse of orange just behind his desk told him not to look up, and not to acknowledge him and he did just that. Falling back into his chair the albino placed his arms behind his neck and got comfortable.

The teacher or rather, Miss Fon, turned her back and began scribbling on the black board. It was then that Shirosaki felt it. A small tap on his shoulder. He did everything he could to ignore it but after the thirteenth tap he couldn't stop his head snapping around.

"What?" he growled out loudly. The snarl however was instantly lost and replaced with a look of shock. "Ogichi-kun!" she squealed. Yes, squealed. Very loudly. The look of shock didn't last long due to the snarl returning, a little deadlier than last time.

"Wha' tha' fuck d'ya want?" he spat at her. The girl just behind him was one of the main reasons his relationship with Ichigo had been destroyed. The dense big boobed girl had wrecked everything. And Shirosaki wanted nothing more but to smash her over the head with his chair.

"Uhm, I just wanted to welcome you back." she replied sheepishly. "Yea, well fuck ya' very much." he smirked before turning back around into his chair. Everybody that had been watching the scene turned to Orihime expecting the girl to burst into tears. But surprisingly no tears. Nothing but a small smile…

o/(O.^)\o

The next chapter will be **a lot longer. **I promise. There's going to be a total of thirty chapters so you better be ready. ;D I'm writing most of them now so updates will be quick. That's a promise.


	2. Chapter 2

Cold: **chapter two**. 

'_I never stopped to think of you.'_

**ICHI POV.**

Slipping the black envelope into the small box Ichigo sighed before allowing his hand to fall into the box. He had managed to count a total of one thousand and sixty two letters before giving up and writing another. Each a tear stained apology.

Explanations…or maybe answers…he wasn't sure, but everything that he had never told a soul had been written down. All for him. His best friend, his true love. Shirosaki had been his everything. But the orangette had treat him wrong…fed him lies and false emotions eagerly. Because at the time, that's all he felt he could do. But he was wrong, and now he was paying the consequences. He was paying for his mistakes…his worst yet.

Maybe if he hadn't had fallen in love with Shirosaki he could have accepted the fact he may never see the albino again…but he doubted it. He honestly doubted it. After all those years, the pale teen was still his everything.

At the time he believed the lies and deceit could protect his best friend but he realised that very day that he was just…cold. So cold towards the only person that ever meant anything to him, baring his family of course but that wasn't the point. He felt emotions that were only meant for fairytales…except he wouldn't get his happy ending.

He just wished he had accepted himself and told the albino. Just let out his emotions. Because now his only outlet was a razor blade and a bottle of vodka.

On the outside he may appear to be on top of the world, what with countless girls queuing up for him and insane amounts of wealth, but he didn't want that, he wanted his best friend back. He wanted everything he knew he could never have. He wanted to hold and love the albino…

The tan teen had recited these words countless times. He had screamed them into his pillow at night, words of love and regret hoping the albino would somehow hear them...understand them, understand him.

Understanding, it was something Ichigo found odd. Because since Shirosaki had left he had lost all of the understanding he had once held for himself. There was nothing left of him, nothing that he knew anyway only the love that still burned bright and passionately within.

Sitting up the boy let out a fatigued sigh before pushing the treasured box back under his bed. Straitening his clothes he gave himself a once over in the mirror before grabbing his school bag and exiting his bedroom slamming the door shut loudly.

He hadn't meant to get wrapped up in those letters, but it seemed to happen without him realising, almost as if he had been lured to the box…it happened like that every time. He couldn't do anything to stop it. He had fallen into a routine of writing at least three letters each day, be it an apology or a confession of love, or even random moments that reminded him of the albino…and the times they had spent together. Times that Ichigo would do anything to get back.

**o/(O.^)\o**

The walk to school was slow and tiring, the heavy droplets of rain pounding against his body didn't help the slightest.

When he finally reached the school he stood before the building and let out a heavy sigh. It was just another day…another day he would have to plaster on a fake smile.

Almost on que the beaming smile that would make almost every girl blush within sight fell onto his lips.

Entering the school he headed straight to his classroom. Ichigo didn't like been late, and even if he ever was Miss Fon would flip.

Slipping into the classroom Ichigo headed straight to his seat and sat down with a fatigued sigh. It would be a lie to say the orangette liked mornings. After all who did? The orangette braced himself for the squeal that was inevitably about to attack his ears like it did every morning.

"Kurosaki-kun!" there we go…"Morning, Inoue." Ichigo sent her a fake grin causing her to trip over the desk in front of her, that she would have easily missed if it wasn't for the orangette.

"Everybody take your seats!" Miss Fon called from the front of the classroom. Ichigo thanked his luck and got comfortable in his seat, ignoring Inoue's sad smile. Inoue had been hanging around the orangette for almost two years now, she attempted to get closer to him when Shirosaki up and left. But it was partly Inoue's fault that Shirosaki left. He had gotten into a fight with her, and Ichigo been her boyfriend at the time took her side. Yet again, another one of the biggest mistakes he had ever made.

But, he couldn't blame her. He was stupid for dating the ditz in the first place, but it was all to hide his feelings from the albino, he should regret using the girl, but he just couldn't find it within him to do that.

The loud shrill of the bell set Miss Fon in motion, scribbling on the black board. Many of the other students pulled out their mobiles and began texting from underneath the table secretly, knowing if they were caught it would mean serious trouble.

Letting out a sigh the orangette folded his arms and laid his head down not really paying attention to anything around him. He heard the classroom door open but didn't care to lift his head, assuming it was just a late comer.

When chattering erupted from around the room the orangette closed his eyes and snuggled deeply into his soft jumper attempting to block out the noise. He wanted nothing more but to sleep. He sometimes dreamt about Shirosaki, that was the main reason he actually got into bed most nights. Just to see his face again.

"Shirosaki Ogichi?" Miss Fon's voice rang out loud and clear. Every sound around him stopped. His throat became dry and he found himself struggling to breathe.

"Yea, that's meh." almost instantly the orangette's head snapped up and his eyes widened almost comically. He couldn't breathe. His whole body had gone stiff, the only thing he could do was stare at the boy before him.

The boy…that had now blossomed into a gorgeous _man._ He couldn't recall when the tears had began streaming down his cheeks but he could now taste them on his dry lips. He knew people were staring at him, but he didn't care, because the only person that he wanted to look at him was the very person who had their back to him.

Even when the albino turned to sit down he kept his eyes forwards not looking anywhere but the back wall. Placing a hand over his mouth Ichigo kept in the cry that he knew was about to erupt from his throat.

Even though Ichigo had last seen Shirosaki three years ago, the albino's face hadn't changed much, except the innocent features the boy had once held had matured. His beautiful snow white spikes of hair had grown slightly falling to the lower of his neck. Ichigo had never thought Shirosaki could ever become more beautiful, but he was wrong…so wrong.

He found himself holding onto his chair with a death like grip just to stop himself from racing towards the boy and holding him tightly. Holding him so he could never leave again.

Slipping a hand into his bag Ichigo quickly pulled out a bottle of water. Unscrewing the cap the boy quickly placed the bottle to his dry lips and gulped down the liquid. Thankfully it kept the cries bubbling from his throat.

Placing the bottle back into his bag he let out a shaky breath before wiping away the tears. His whole body was shaking and it scared the hell out of him. He just couldn't stop the tears from falling, no matter how hard he attempted to swallow them back they just kept pouring down his face.

Leaning back down the boy placed his head into his arms once again allowing him to cry without anybody else noticing Miss Fon in particular. He didn't care about anybody else around him, he just knew if Miss Fon spotted him crying she would send him out the class. And as much as he would like to let out his emotions out in private he didn't want to loose sight of Shirosaki too afraid that he might disappear into thin air like last time.

He had started to get comfortable when he heard Shirosaki's voice once again. Peering over his arm he watched as Shirosaki sneered at Inoue.

"What?" he growled out at her. Surprising Ichigo, Inoue replied. "Ogichi-kun!" the orangette suppressed a growl from his throat. He didn't want her to talk to him, he didn't want her going anywhere near him. "Wha' tha' fuck d'ya want?" the albino growled back. Ichigo found himself smirking at that. He couldn't help it.

"Uhm, I just wanted to welcome you back." Inoue replied a small smile on her lips. Ichigo rolled his eyes waiting for the pale male to growl back. "Yea, well fuck ya' very much." biting into his sleeve Ichigo muffled his laughter. Trust Shirosaki to do that, even with Miss Fon now glaring at him.

"Shirosaki-kun, please do not use that kind of language in here." she warned him her eye twitching slightly. It was obvious she was just letting him off because it was his first day. Shirosaki nodded at the woman before leaning back on his chair.

Ichigo allowed his eyes to run over the albino's body. He looked fantastic, he had grown in size immensely and Ichigo could almost imagine the muscled abs under his tight shirt, that obviously were not there back then. Chasing the thoughts from his brain due to the heat pooling in his groin Ichigo continued to stare at Shirosaki's face.

From the angle he was sat he could only see the side of his face, that wasn't enough for Ichigo…at all.

**o/(O.^)\o**

The lesson passed fairly quickly, Ichigo hadn't gotten any work done whatsoever due to staring at the albino.

When the bell rang Ichigo found himself panicking. What should he do? Just waltz right up to Shirosaki? No, but right now that's all he could think about doing. Even with a small smile on his lips the small saline droplets continued to fall down his cheeks…he just didn't know what to do.

Sitting up and grabbing his bag the teen wiped his cheeks. Eyeing the door Ichigo cussed Inoue inwardly. She stood smiling at the teen waiting at the door. Shirosaki at this point had his back to him and he was walking towards the door.

Ichigo stopped at his desk and stared at the albino. It was then that the pale teen turned. Gold on black eyes met toasted honey. The utter sadness in those eyes caused fresh tears to slide down the orangette face, almost instantly Shirosaki's eyes widened upon seeing Ichigo's tears.

The albino's eyes fell to the floor with a look of apathy plastered on his face. "Long time no see, Ichi." he simply smiled before turning his back and moving towards the door. Ichigo watched as the albino literally sneered at Inoue. He slowly began to disappear from view and Ichigo couldn't help himself.

"Shiro!" he called out, but it came out more like a whimper. Running through the door he grabbed the albinos arm tightly…

**o/(O.^)\o**

Not really a cliff hanger, but I want to start a fresh new chapter before this one ends up going on forever. XD You may think that this a huge plot development, but it's not really. There shall be a twist that you might not be expecting…I'm going to be dragging this out that's all I'm saying. ^^


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